Delany's Donkey!

Sitting here watching the world cup draw I feel the combined rage of a so called ‘hard done by’ nation permeating the very ether of Irish society. While the entire country displays an amalgamation of hate and bitterness sufficient enough to power a small country for a decade it is my opinion that there is one pure and simple truth that we need to start accepting. The Irish team are not going to the world cup because of the Irish team.

For two years in true Irish fashion we sold ourselves short and approached qualification with the confidence of a cross eyed ginger at a beauty pageant. We played to draw and draws are what we got all along praying to the powers above that results elsewhere would smile in our favour. They didn’t, they smiled at someone else. Enter Thierry Henry. Like a two bit cheating politician he played the system, and more power to him, he got away with it. A quick spot of juggling that would put bonzo the clown to shame and France are packing their bags. Forget the half hearted lethargic attitude with which we plied our trade for two long years, forget the fact we lay down like door mats on the hallowed turf of Croker, forget the fact we didn’t have the character to finish off a weak French team in their own back yard, FORGET the criminal defensive blunder by McShane and Givens deer caught in the headlights expression! No if the headlines are to be believed Ireland are not going to the world cup because Thierry Henry committed an act which has on many an occaision relegated many teams to the depths of despair. However on this occasion for some bizarre reason the book must be rewritten.

If there’s one thing the man above got absolutely right it’s that you always reap what you sow, unless of course you’re Irish and nothing of the sort applies. Maybe this has more to do with us being robbed of the opportunity to lose gracefully, an activity we embrace more than life preserving oxygen, than of actually having our pride ravaged mercilessly by a guillotine. Is it possible the real truth is that the events as they unfolded negated the joviality of despicable drunken renditions of ole ole and outrageous comments of being the best supporters in the world yet having no team to support come next summer?

Hey at least now we have two teams to cheer against!

Why Munster cheer for Leinster!!!

Forget twelve counties! Leinster has unequivocally been the untouchable property of a collective number of postcodes that have lent their denomination to the ‘even’ persuasion since Crowell first drew up the plans. What a dilemma of depressing proportions arose when it became apparent that Leinsters surplus of tickets was to requirement. Notwithstanding the supposition that Leinster is a province, when bodies were required to populate a venue larger than your average horse field the painful evidence pointed to the proof that the ya fab Fintans from D4 had pushed the true salt of Leinster from the fold resulting in the possibility that blue seats would be occupied by red jerseys whether they be from Kilkenny or Clare, Limerick or Louth, Cork or Carlow.

Rather than get the ovens blazing and humble pie produced en masse the country was warned of Leinster Rugby’s answer to the Taliban beard patrol that would be in effect on the day. Munster and Leinster rugby does not suffer rivalry as a sporting contest but invariably as the pale versus beyond, a mindset that Dubs will claim to be two way traffic.

To all intents and purposes Munster rugby has always been about Rugby, an opinion not shared by the boys in blue suggested by the cacophony of jeers that reverberate around Kiely's whenever Munster take to the field, whoever they might be playing. A visit to the Ballsbridge alehouses whose patrons embody ‘the soul’ of Leinster Rugby will disappointingly reflect that a Munster loss is as good as a Leinster win. That being said I’m proud to see Irish Rugby bearing the potential to sweep the board in Northern Hemisphere competition and wonder will a sea of red still be more evident in Edinburgh nevertheless shouting for Leinster.

A glass of dry red wine and hold the chocolate please...

In the words of the Virgin Mary, where in the name of the eldest fella did that come from? This joke of a country has once again gotten its facts completely mixed up, and this time with the help of the even more inept religious order that holds tightly, even still, onto the balls of this country in a manner that would put a Stafford shire bull terrier to shame. Now it may come as a shock but I’m not what you’d call a Christian of papal proportions. But be that as it may I feel compelled to endorse a fact that undoubtedly Basques in the glory few enjoy of being beyond contestation. Namely that on the very first Good Friday the man himself drank alcohol and did NOT eat chocolate eggs.

Not that it matters since a twelve pack of Heineken's tinned fare and a box of Birdseye's finest quarter pounders are chilling with the defiance known only to a few in my fridge.

What everyone else is thinking, they just don't know it...

So it's finally all over but can anyone please tell me why the hell Obama was required to deliver yet another speech. After two years and an unsurmountable pack of presidential promises AKA lies what the hell else does he have left to say...you got the job man with target, now get on with letting down the sorry pathetic American public that have been yet again duped into believing that the man dictates the Presidency and not vice versa...

Well I never.

In a couple of days I expect to read Disgraces obituary further to a promise made returning to work 360 (and not one second more…get it) odd days ago. That of the lament concerning the failure of 2007 and assurance that if 2008 faired no better then that was it!!! Indeed as assured as I am that ND has indeed demonstrated the courage that we suicidal could only ever wish for I have had a funeral wreath in ready anticipation since round about last February.
The following is a list of things Coiny took from 2008 as negatives.

Jamaica needs a drugs screening process. Sorry disgrace it’s a fact.
It’s easy for Padraig Harrington to tell the nation to stop whinging about the recession and get on with it while competing for the highest paid golfer in Europe merit.
Whether it’s war or the Olympics, Britain will always bang on like they won it.
The age old question of Sexism Vs Racism in The US was finally answered, turns out they both play second fiddle to Ageism.
Katherine Lynch.

Wishing someone a happy new year in the current climate is a bit like telling someone with Cancer to get well soon.